A Post to Feel Good About Yourself
Feb. 15th, 2009 06:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
verbal_kintOkie doke, so I have no idea where this website has been all my life, but it’s basically a collection of people confirming that their lives suck worse than yours. Which is awesome. And funny.
It’s fuckmylife.com
Here are some FML’s
Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
Today, I got my license renewed and the woman behind the desk looked at me and said "guess we need to update the weight, huh?" FML
Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said "sorry I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML
Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML
Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML
Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML
Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a shit. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML
Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML
Today, I was in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I went to a fastfood restaurant to pick up food for my work party. I ordered 250 chicken fingers, 15 orders of fries, and 2 gallons of tea, and the guy behind the counter asked, "Is this for here or to go?" FML
Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML
Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML
Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML
Today, my friends and I go to a bar and proceed to get wasted. I walk around and see a kid. I start yelling, "There's a child in this bar! There's a CHILD in this BAR!" She turns around. She was a little person. FML
Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML
It’s fuckmylife.com
Here are some FML’s
Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
Today, I got my license renewed and the woman behind the desk looked at me and said "guess we need to update the weight, huh?" FML
Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said "sorry I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML
Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML
Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML
Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML
Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a shit. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML
Today, I shook hands with a girl and held onto her hand while telling her she had very tiny, delicate hands. When I let go to look at them, I discovered she only had two fingers. FML
Today, I was in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I went to a fastfood restaurant to pick up food for my work party. I ordered 250 chicken fingers, 15 orders of fries, and 2 gallons of tea, and the guy behind the counter asked, "Is this for here or to go?" FML
Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML
Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML
Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, "Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away." FML
Today, my friends and I go to a bar and proceed to get wasted. I walk around and see a kid. I start yelling, "There's a child in this bar! There's a CHILD in this BAR!" She turns around. She was a little person. FML
Today, my wife and I both have blond hair and blue eyes, we just had a red headed son. FML
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-16 05:47 am (UTC)I especially loved the guy that broke up with his GF so he could spend more time playing WoW.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-17 04:07 am (UTC)Haha, the WoW one was hilarious, but the one that took the cake for me was one where a guy's roommate had auto-replaced the word "neither" in his PhD dissertation with the N-word, without him noticing and the guy's professor was black.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-16 05:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-16 07:41 pm (UTC)OMG. OKay. My life isn't THAT pathetic at least. :)
Saw your tags. Just got my haircut Saturday along with highlights. Now my hair doesn't look like a sheepdog who had rolled in the mud.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-17 04:15 am (UTC)Would it be too much to ask for a pic of this marvelous new haircut?