Drabble: If You Give A Cripple A Cupcake

[verbal_kint]

Title: If You Give a Cripple a Cupcake
Rating: R
Summary: The day after surgery (infarction)
Word Count: about 500...so this is a faux drabble/one shot...whatever.

First you’ll start collecting things. But they aren’t really things so much as thoughts that spawn from the things. The things you can’t have anymore. Bicycles, skateboards, lacrosse sticks, the list of euphemisms for gratuitous amounts of jerking off that you keep in your wallet to keep laughing—they make you think, and God forbid you think when it’s all you can do.

Now, once you’ve collected these items and their corresponding thoughts, you’ll burn them, all of them, in the fireplace. And you’ll do it on Christmas for irony’s sake. And you won’t ask for presents this year, though you’ll probably receive more. And obviously they’ll be pity-presents, like colored crutches and sticky mats and elevators to nowhere. Maybe you’ll ask for a sledgehammer to demolish these things along with the other things. After all, these things will make you think, too, and God forbid you think when it’s all you can do.

After that you’ll make good on the plans you’ve made. You’ll lie more, and about bigger things. You’ll make out with Stacy while thinking about making out with Wilson, and you’ll make out with Wilson while thinking about making out with Cuddy. You’ll do these things when you can’t find a hooker. You’ll buy a Mogwai, name it after yourself, then feed it after midnight. You’ll break your good leg. You’ll invent new methods of suicide without actually trying any of them. You’ll become someone you hate, but it’s okay because you’ve thought it through. But God forbid you think when it’s all you can do.

And finally, after all of this is finished and you’re bored again, you’ll wonder how this all began, and it’ll be the first problem you can’t find an answer to. Make that the second problem, because you just couldn’t think fast enough. God forbid.

But now, at this very moment, you can be angry. You’re alone, and you’re gonna stay alone, save for the fucking meta-you that keeps thinking and making plans. This meta-you doesn’t understand that it’s the only ‘you’ that exists anymore. Your leg hurts, and why wouldn’t it? Today is simultaneously a normal day and the first day of the rest of your life. The meta-you wonders why the fuck ‘normal’ evens exists if it can change. Yesterday’s normal is not today’s normal. Yesterday’s normal was something you strived for. Today’s normal is something you can’t recover from.

You read. You doze. Wilson brings you a cupcake and you don’t say thank you because you don’t have to anymore. You don’t eat it. You’re cold, but you don’t shiver because it hurts to shiver. You don’t laugh because it hurts to laugh. You don’t cry because it hurts to cry. This is normal.

Suddenly you’re bored, and you wonder how this all began, but you can’t seem to find an answer.

You want to go home. And you think that’s a good sign, because it’s the first thing you’ve ever wanted since becoming normal, but God forbid you think when it’s all you can do.

--

Comments

[athinfacade.livejournal.com]

As a kids' librarian, I totally enjoy the twist on If You Give a Mouse a Cookie (or any of those other similar books). Anyway, liked this a lot. It's really powerful.

[verbal-kint10.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. And If You Give a Mouse a Cookie is like my Gone With the Wind. :)

[genagirl.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's so raw and powerful. I like the cicular feel of it, the anger but how you captured House's unique way of thinking. I also love this line: You’ll buy a Mogwai, name it after yourself, then feed it after midnight. Awesome job.

[verbal-kint10.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, the mogwai: the Christmas gift I never got. Haha, I'm so glad that you like it; thanks for reading!

[magie-05.livejournal.com]

Okay, wow. That's incredibly depressing but wonderfully told. This kind of circular thinking is exactly what I imagine to have been going through House's head after the surgery. *whimper* Anyway. This is really incredible. Memming for those times I need to make myself sad. Thanks :)

[verbal-kint10.livejournal.com]

Okay, I must (very creepily) say that your porn gets me through the day. I'm such a horrible, horrible lurker because most of the time it's so sexy that I can't get my act together to comment/pick my jaw up off the floor. You and bmax--you're like this unstoppable duo of awesomeness and basically my personal Deniro and Pacino of fic-writing.

THAT SAID...thanks so much for reading, doing what I can't and commenting, and for being generally awesome. Sorry for making you sad (I have no effing idea where this angst came from, I guess I'm secretly a tigeress of darkness).

[magie-05.livejournal.com]

Aww, that's nice to hear! I've just been feeling all down today, so thank you :) And I must agree that bmax is incredibly awesome. LOL okay, so which of us is Pacino and which is Deniro? ;)

I get not commenting sometimes; I'm bad about it usually. But in any case I squeed to get this reply, and you totally don't have to apologize for making me sad, I am a SUCKER for angst :)

[verbal-kint10.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I'm thinking that you're Deniro, seeing as he plays the straight man, normal, root-for type of guy a lot, which works so well...but the real gems are when he goes batshit and does something unexpected. And bonus points in that when he plays some sort of sex fiend, you know he's winning an Oscar. Basically, I love that your fics can be batshittily sex fiendy AND incredibly realistic and powerful and in-character at the same time. It's uh, let's say "rare."

Pacino, on the other hand, just deals out awesome shit, doesn't take crap before his morning coffee, and talks with his hands a lot, and you get the feeling he's probably got a really perverted sense of humor. Needless to say, the similarities between him and bmax are endless. ;) Lol, I've told her multiple times that she does in fact live with House and Wilson, because her dialogue is so spot on, as is everything else she does.

[bmax67.livejournal.com]

Okay, you are being waaaaay too kind!

Might as well tell you- Magie and I were talking about you and your awesome writing skills, so give yourself some much-deserved credit. Magie also deserves every compliment that comes her way! She's freaking amazing! I love her domesticy fics.

And yeah, Magie and I decided I was Pacino and she was DeNiro, if for no other reason than the fact that I'm short. :)
But I like your philosophy better!

Man, I wish House and Wilson did live with me. Talk about endless entertainment!

Hope you have a great holiday (can I say Merry Christmas?) and a safe and happy 2009!

I'm still working on my fics, just don't have much time. The next chapter of Wired is almost complete and hope to have it up by the end of next week. Guh, I'm so slow...

I plan on reading your Fun with Dick and Cane Redux when I get some time to sit down and appreciate it. I loved the original version already!

Gotta go get ready for our crazy Christmas tour of northern Illinois now.... ugh.

[verbal-kint10.livejournal.com]

Thanks, and a Merry Christmas to you too! Haha, it's been like three weeks since I posted a chapter of Dickens!, so I really can't complain about Wired or MTM anymore, haha. Oh well, as long as it gets done, that's my philosophy. Have fun on your Christmas tour, I'll be entertaining my grandma (luckily she thinks my juggling skills rock).

[katernater.livejournal.com]

I really liked this. The image of House burning all of those things that reminded him of his "past life" (the skateboards and lacrosse sticks; "jerk-off fodder", essentially) was a very powerful one.

[verbal-kint10.livejournal.com]

Thanks a lot! Haha, your icon totally rocks.:)

[bmax67.livejournal.com]

Wow. Just wow.

This was so depressing and so perfectly House. His roundabout way of thinking of everything he's lost and what he has to look 'forward' to.

What else could a person do in that situation but think?

*mems*

[verbal-kint10.livejournal.com]

Gosh, thanks so much, and I'm really glad you liked it and you know how much I value your opinion. :)

I gotta ask, 'cause I'm a little slow (by little...I mean a lot, like dial-up slow) what does mems mean?

BTW, Maggie and I are bragging about you in the comments above, Pacino.

[bmax67.livejournal.com]

OH! Mems means to add to my memories list. There's that little heart thingy at the top. YOu just click on it and you can save that page to your own journal's list of memories. This is one of those special fics that hits deep inside my heart and makes me feel for House.


And you are too kind. :)

[dreamsofspike.livejournal.com]

this was wonderfully poignant and heartbreaking, love, and reads as much like poetry as like prose... beautifully written, loved it :)

[verbal-kint10.livejournal.com]

Wow, thanks. :)

It started out funny and then, uh, didn't exactly end up that way...

Thanks so much for reading though!

[in-a-crater.livejournal.com]

This is gold. I don't know the original story that it's based on, but writing in the future and in second-person are two things that are tricky to do. You conquered both masterfully. This is so raw and vivid, and so sad.
This is my favourite line, perhaps in all of fanfiction so far:
"Wilson brings you a cupcake and you don’t say thank you because you don’t have to anymore".
Post-infarction House runs the risk of being too over-dramatic, but you did it with restraint and yet the emotion seeped through. Gorgeous.

[verbal-kint10.livejournal.com]

It's not based on a story, but the title is a rip on this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/If_You_Give_A_Mouse_A_Cookie, a children's book.

Wow, thank you so much. I'm incredibly flattered, and so relieved that you didn't think it was overly dramatic. Seriously, your comments have made my evening. :)

As for second person, future tense--honestly, I just get bored writing same old same old, I'm really glad you liked it though.

Thanks again for reading and taking the time to comment, enjoy the holidays!

[littlemissgg.livejournal.com]

Oh this is gorgeous and heartbreaking and I loved it.
Especially this line You’ll make out with Stacy while thinking about making out with Wilson - like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Excellent.

[verbal-kint10.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much. :) I'm really glad you liked it, and that line in particular, haha, so thanks for reading!

[acbshada.livejournal.com]

This is nicely written...very powerful, very painful. And it's an excellent description of what deep, dark depression can do to a person. How they can withdraw inside themselves.

Loved this line: Yesterday’s normal is not today’s normal. Yesterday’s normal was something you strived for. Today’s normal is something you can’t recover from.

[verbal-kint10.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm so happy you liked that line, and I guess if I had to pick a favorite, that'd be it. Thanks for taking the time to comment. :)

[zamaza.livejournal.com]

Between the mogwai and give a mouse a cookie references I was already going to have to save this. A few people quoted my favorite lines already so I'll just mention them again... the making out part, and the Yesterday's normal. Both of those bits were absolutely brilliant.

[verbal-kint10.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Gotta love mogwais, lol. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. :)